so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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