I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The Olympian is in my bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
