The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
