just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
