I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
