he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
