Just cropdusted the office
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
