why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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