I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
