Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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