I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
