just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
