so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
