people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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