I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
