I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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