So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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