this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
