goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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