I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
