Me too!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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