I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
