You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
