idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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