did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize