I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
