So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
