i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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