You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
