I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
