can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
zippers are such a cool invention
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
BRING THE BAGELS
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
