Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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