i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize