these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
