Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to make out with him forever
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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