she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
