i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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