Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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