If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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