her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
