the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was born a porn star she said
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
