oh god the rape fog is back!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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