Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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