hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
