Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
