Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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