What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Operation Purity has been aborted
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
