The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
