how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
