I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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