when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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