to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
