This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
