That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
