Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
