Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
