i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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