My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
