I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
