you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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