She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
