I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
