I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i out mim tonsoeep
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
